My Testimony

When I was 9 years-old, I remember walking the aisle of First Baptist Church in Mobeetie, Texas, to ask Jesus into my heart. The evangelist just finished preaching a "Hell, Fire, and Brimstone" message that managed to put the fear of spending an eternity in Hell in my heart. The pianist was playing the invitational song "Just As I Am", as I, along with several other kids my age, made our way to the front.

I even remember the multi-colored dress I had on as my heart pounded in my chest. Even though I was afraid of Hell, I could also sense a loving Presence drawing me to that altar. I know I didn't fully understand what I was doing, but I knew I had to ask Jesus into my heart and save me.

I was baptized the following Sunday, along with the other kids who joined me at the altar that crisp fall evening of 1974. I don't remember our preacher explaining what baptism meant, although he very well could of. I just remember lining up and getting dunked.

I don't have one memory of anyone explaining to me that because of asking Jesus to forgive and save me, that I was a brand new person in Christ Jesus - and that this was all about a personal love relationship with my Redeemer. The only thing I knew for certain was that I had a "Get Out of Hell Free" card in my possession.

Fast-forward 21 years to age 30. After an extended love affair with the world, I was experiencing a deep dark depression. I did not want to live. It was during that time when a very special friend of mine invited me to an "Experiencing God" Bible study. During the third week of the study at 5 a.m. one morning, the words "Jesus is pursuing a love relationship with you that is real and personal", jumped off the page and into my heart!!! I finally realized that I had a Heavenly Prince Who had been pursuing my heart my whole life!

My life didn't change overnight. It all happened in baby steps. I had believed the lie from the enemy that there was a perfect man out there whose sole purpose was to make me happy. I thought (with the help of soap operas, movies, and romance novels) that guy really existed, and that as soon as I found him, I would be completely fulfilled. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. I discovered that Jesus was that Perfect Man meant to complete me, that no earthly man was ever designed to do that.

At the end of my 2nd marriage, while living back home with my parents and my son, Wesley, I finally got on my knees and asked God to put the man of His choice into my life. That is when "Jesus Took the Wheel" of my life. Not long after that, Steven and I began dating and were married July 19, 1997. We didn't have a clue what God was about to do with our lives.

That same year, my son, Wesley, decided to go and live with his dad. I didn't realize how much I had my identity wrapped up in being "Wesley's Mom" until that happened. I felt like I was slipping back into that familiar dark hole of depression that I had experienced 2 years earlier. The Lord was so faithful!!! He kept me from going back to that place of misery. I began hiding His words of love in my heart, because I knew that if I did not cling to Him I would literally die of a broken heart!

Why This Ministry???

Over the past ten years, the Lord has had me on a journey into His heart. This journey has nothing to do with RELIGION - it has everything to do with RELATIONSHIP with the Lover of my soul, Jesus Christ!!!

In 2004, during a dry "wilderness" time in my journey with Jesus, He began to woo my heart in a different way than I had ever known before. He took me to Hosea 2:14, 16, 19-20 (NKJV): "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. And it shall be in that day," says the LORD, "that you will call Me 'My Husband' and no longer call me 'My Master'..."I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the LORD."

It was in that time that the Lord cultivated within my heart a "lovesickness" for Him that I will never get over. Out of that period, He birthed a ministry for the women of Christ's Lovely Bride: His Heart's Desire Ministries, Inc. It is primarily a women's retreat ministry designed to impart "lovesickness" for her Eternal Bridegroom and a passion for preparing for His soon return.

The purpose of the wilderness? To cause me to fall in love with my Beloved Bridegroom, and to teach me to lean on Him in everything, to depend on Him as my very Life, my Source for everything that matters. Song of Solomon 8:5 "Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her Beloved?"

Personal Favorites

In this last section, I would like to share resources that have very much enhanced my journey with Jesus. Of course, the Word of God is His very Breath and the foundations for all else. In any source written by man, I trust the written Word and the Living Word inside of me for His discernment. I realize that any created word of man can be fallible, so I ask the Lord to help me hide in my heart from each source what He wants me to keep and leave out that which He wants me to leave out.

My primary love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch, so I feel the most loved by the Lord through reading books that foster my spiritual growth and open my heart to receive the truth of His personal love for me. Within the last 5 years or so, the Lord has been giving me pictures of Him loving me, embracing me, holding my hand, and dancing with me. All of my favorites listed below have been tools in His hand to sharpen my awareness and experience of Him. Each one has in some way been used by the Lord to romance my heart and to ignite a passion that can only be quenched by the Lord Himself.

Oh, how I long for that day when I will see Him face to face!!!